you know it was prince's song first, right?

so i decided to "eat my dinner at a fancy resturant" today, alone. i used to go out to eat by myself a lot--actually ate several holiday dinners with the company of the fine staff of The Mark II Family Resturant. i never really noticed anyone watching me eat a diner by myself. . .until tonight.

the waitress, a wadded shoeleather shell of a woman, came over and asked "are you waiting for someone?" and when i told her no, she gave me an understanding nod--the kind of nod that tells me "you poor sad man, of course you're not waiting for anyone." it was very uncomfortable--then i noticed that i was about the third warm body in the resturant (the jury out on leather face there) and they were all looking at me. they had sat me in the middle of the dining floor--like i was stranded in a sea of empty boothes and unclaimed 4tops. . .

they took their time getting to me. . . there was a couple at a booth--youngish and very self-involved. when the man went up to go to the bathroom, the girl kind of looked my way and gave me a faint nod--the kind of nod you offer an aquaintence when you find out they've been audited or their pet cat has died.

i started to freak out a little bit. . .alright. . .after about ten minutes, more couples were being seated around me--like i was on display. . .that made me really start to tweak. maybe it was that i had become more aware of "dining alone" by leatherface, or that there weren't that many people, or because i was sitting in a wide open space alone with a cup a coffee. . . whatever it was, i had enough and put down a 3 spot and left. . .i got a take-out pizza and now i'm sitting in front of this computer. believe me it sounds more sad and pathetic than it really was. . . i left because i got freaked out by people watching (or thinking people were watching). it was not because i'm launching into some cure-inspired fit of self-loathing, pancake make-up wearing black hearted drama riffage. . .you shouldn't misconstrue "alone" with "lonely" or even "lonely" with "sad" and you shouldn't tan if you're over sixty--my god it reminded me that i need to get leather gloves to match my brown jacket!!!

today's soundtrack: dusty springfield dusty in memphis; kings of leon aha shake heartbreak; ryan adams rock and roll; elliot smith x/o; u2 the unforgetable fire; nick cave and the bad seeds let love in; percy sledge ultimate collection; miles davis miles smiles; teenage fanclub bandwagonesque; solomon burke don't give up on me