i definately have a stomach bug. if i was not sure before, today has left no doubt. it sucks. . . still sleeping in shifts but sleeping a lot, which is good. . . i will wait out the sickness, i have become good and patient about such matters. i guess working in autism teaches you patience if nothing else. some things are worth waiting for, waiting out. it is never a question of if in my book anymore, it is always a question of when.
i wasn't always so patient, there was a time where i was very impulsive. i still am in a lot of ways, and that's okay. impulse and patience can co-exist. they circle like vultures and it would be easy to get caught up in feeling one overwhelms the other. it's like anything else though, we are always in flux moving towards equilibrium, that's all. we may feel like our lives have been ruled by rash decisions and bad mistakes, but instead we should look at where these decisions have taken us--we cannot feel so guilty that we become ponderous to a fault. i have had the hamlet blues for many years and lately i have forgoten to actually act--instead i think about action. no harm/no foul right? i have forgotten impulsivity and have been ruled by my caution. what is the head without the heart, then? you need both and you have to forgive both for the turns you take. . .
at the end of the day whatever we have chosen (good or bad) provide us with our location. sometimes where we end up is far better than we could have ever imagined--although at the time you would be hard-pressed to believe such logic.
of course, this could be the fever talking. . .no rod stewart/dead collaborations today though. . .
more later.
today's soundtrack: soloman burke don't give up on me; otis redding live at the whiskey a-go-go; tom waits small change; david gray lost songs; joni mitchell blue; elliot smith figure 8; jimmy scott heaven; big star #1 record/radio city; replacements let it be; gin blossoms new miserable experience; carol king tapestry
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