the wing commander invited me over to have stuffed shells with him and his mom

did i happen to mention i'm a husky dude? for christmas, Jay's girlfriend's family bought him a deep-fryer: apparently they have all been plotting privately to kill me. so we started making wings; however when you venture into such a dietary adventure, experts come out of the woodwork: a better sauce here, the ideal cooking oil (peanut vs. canola), are boneless wings as satisfying as the old fashioned wing--basically people with too much f$#^in' free time. The world of metal shop is a virtual treasure trove of lost and staggering experts--guys who are always 12 oz away from the police blotter, a pfa, or being flung out of the club cab of their dodge dakota and onto the unforgiving asphalt of state route 309. . .they don't call-in sick, they call off drunk

which brings me to the wing commander. most of the advice we have received in our quest for the ideal wing-induced heart failure has come from a guy who has decided that finding the best watering hole wing is more important than finding a way to move out of his mother's house.

now this is NOT an inditement of all people who live with their parents--there are situations that arise, (finacial, health, emotional) by which living at home with mom and dad is the best option. that said, most people don't see the return to the nest as an endline--that's the difference. if you have never left your adolescent bedroom, then that's a problem. sure maybe you took the RATT and Elle MacPhereson posters down, but their ghosts haunt you--they sit, like the looming specter of "never-getting-laid-ever," square on your chest while you sleep the sleep of a single twin existence.

and i'm pretty much talkin' about the dudes here--because they are the ones who keep giving the rest of us comic book-movie-music geeks a bad name. for the love of GOD, please quit your job checking baggage at the airport, buy a can of gasoline and set yourself on fire on the lawn of the white house--at least in death you will find meaning. . .