night soundtrack: bright eyes i'm wide awake it's morning; snow patrol final straw; jesse malin the heat
For those of you playing at home, today's entry is a piss-take on a great book by Raymond Carver, a old writing hero. I think, for the most part, I'm a pretty straight-foward cat. I don't do a very good job hiding my emotions--it's all in the eyebrows you could say. But I am not big on ambiguity in conversations. . . and yet. . .you throw a girl into the mix, and . . .
I think I'm still shell shocked form a short string of rejections over the last year--some painful, some mean, and some psycho. I feel like the guy on the bomb squad due for a vacation. I had hoped that this would've gone away by now but IT HASN'T. Instead. . .
Well, it's better now. I don't have that "no one will ever love me" mindset I had in my teenage tortured idiot phase. And it isn't that affectionate "nice guy/loser" tag I wear either--the self esteem is battered but honest. It's just that I'm still a shy bastard. Nothing else--just shy.
Oh well, f-it. Tonight is just rambling garbage. . .diversions I guess.
more later
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